Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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