In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
