The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
