I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
