Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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