i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
