I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize