is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
