8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
