He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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