upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
