u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
