Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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