Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
