I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
