one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
