I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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