Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
