i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
did i just pee glitter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize