he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
