The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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