Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
