Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
