too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
