Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
