Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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