P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize