i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You were trust falling into bushes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
