I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
