this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
