you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
