Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
