Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
