If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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