she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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