Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
