Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
