I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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