then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
