I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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