i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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