It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
