Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
