dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
4 words: hood of his car
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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