His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
