but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
