And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
