Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
