I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
