Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize