i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
