I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
