Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
