You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
