I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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