im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The air taste purple.
Randomize
