so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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