'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
