While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
