Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
