My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
