hell yes lets make some ravioli
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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