This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Your penis caused this!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize