First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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