dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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