i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
