Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
