I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
