Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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