I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
