Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
