guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
